How to Co-Parent With an Abusive Ex
After a divorce or breakup involving children, you and the other parent will likely have to co-parent. This can be hard to do following a divorce, as there will need to be solid communication between the parents. Joint child custody can be a challenge if a lack of communication leads to your divorce.
Another challenge can be abuse. Many marriages end due to physical or emotional abuse by one spouse to another. When this happens, you ideally would never want anything to do with the other parent, but you have to for your child’s sake. What do you do in such a complicated situation?
You must think about parenting in another way. Co-parenting is often not recommended due to the possibility of further abuse. In the aftermath of a divorce, the abusive partner is often angry, which means abuse can show up in the context of co-parenting. In these cases, you will want to consider parallel parenting.
Parallel parenting is different from co-parenting in that it minimizes contact between the parents to protect a parent from the abusive parent. Parallel parenting primarily focuses on the care of the children and has clear boundaries in place for everyone’s safety.
What to Know About Parallel Parenting
Parallel parenting does require sacrifices, but it is considered a practical solution. Many family law attorneys are in favor of parallel parenting because it allows both parents to remain in the children’s lives. The abused former spouse is given the freedom to heal and grow emotionally. Children also benefit from parallel parenting. The benefits include fewer behavioral issues and emotional problems, better school performance, and higher self-esteem.
For the victim, the goal of parallel parenting is to minimize any contact with the abuser. This does come with some sacrifices. Courts are in favor of parallel parenting plans because they put the children above all else, which is what is emphasized when courts look at the best interests of the children.
Parallel parenting is versatile and can be used for various situations — not just instances of violence. Parallel parenting is appropriate for any situation in which there is a toxic relationship between the parents. If one spouse has been controlling of the other during a marriage, co-parenting is likely not possible, and parallel parenting is necessary. Situations in which parallel parenting can be helpful include:
- Withholding financial support.
- Ignoring parental responsibilities.
- Withholding parenting information.
- Using the children as spies.
The plan should indicate the public location used for all handoffs. It should also set forth what each parent is responsible for. The plan can also deal with routines, chores, extracurricular activities, and behavioral issues.
Contact Our Pearland TX Family Law Attorney Today
While you may not be able to successfully co-parent with an abusive ex, you can engage in parallel parenting, which is better for all involved.
Texas family law attorney The Powell Law Firm, can help you with custody matters. We customize our representation based on the needs of the case. We strive for creative custody arrangements that make sense for all involved. Schedule a consultation today by filling out the online form or calling 832-850-6095.
